My husband is my foundation. He keeps me stable. I have often said that he saves me from myself and helps me be me at the same time. We are a bit of a ying fang fit…opposition balancing in harmonic unity. He keeps my feet closer to earth, and I force him out of his shell. I can’t imagine being with someone else, and I can’t imagine not having each other.
A lot of people have looked at us and said we seem so in harmony…that we are a perfect fit….the perfect couple…etc etc etc…but I tell my friends, and now I tell anyone who might happen to read this…it doesn’t just fall in your lap and you have to work for it.
When we got engaged, we got what I thought was a rather unusual gift, and wasn’t entirely sure how to take it, though it was explained a bit so we said….ok…thanks. Since then we have said it was the best and most thoughtful gift we have ever been blessed to be given by another person. The present was from my dad, and it was couples counselling.
I know right…
Seems weird, but here is the thing..the way he explained the gift to us was that we seemed very happy together, and that he thought we could be happy forever, but it would be a mountain to climb at times and people give up too easy today…that love wasn’t a right…it had to be fought for to hold precious long term. An interesting perspective, and so very true. We started counselling before pretty quickly after that because we felt if we delayed we would never go back, and it only took one session to know it was was a really smart move. Talking, we realized that it is easy to be happy when it is new, and it is easy when there has not been much for adversity in a relationship, but by going to counselling we learned to communicate better and it is a lot different in that controlled environment. This continual therapy would be able to open us up to facing issues before they were problems, and we would be comfortable in that environment if we had something bigger. It is hard to step up and go get help, and it is human nature for certain guards to rise up in that situation…but for us this would be nothing new…it is an environment we would be comfortable within already, so that boundary is already gone.
I dunno if I am explaining this as good as I can…I don’t feel I am…but hopefully the general concept comes through.
We’ve had our little battles, and I feel like we discuss through those fairly well most times. Sometimes there is something that you kinda push away, but can bring up in that controlled environment for discussion and I think it is super healthy. The hard times…hey, no doubt we’ve been through them of late, and my husband says having that resource was huge to him. He said that in the past he would have shouldered a lot of it on his own, and who knows hat that would have done to him emotionally…mentally. Now he has had zero problems going in and seeing someone and had really beefed up his sessions a bit. Sure, that is one on one, but together created an environment…an normality of seeking that helping hand without second thought. Family and friends are great, but sometimes they give crap advice…sometimes they don’t want to know everything or you don’t want them to…sometimes that is going to put strains and judgements within other relationships…sometimes you can open up better to someone that is disconnected from the situation.
Ponder it…pretty awesome tool. Sure, you might go once a week or 2 to start, but then it will be maybe an hour a month and you go from there. Is an hour of extra work on bettering communication of your relationship worth it to you? If not, you have some deeper seeded questions you need to seek answers to IMHO. I don’t care if you feel awkward at the idea of a counsellor…this can save strains in various aspects of your life, and you know what…your relationship is 2, possibly more (kids), so it is far bigger than you…get the fuck over yourself.
At any rate, I have really pondered if I wanted to share this. It is pretty fresh, but I guess I am going to share it apparently…my husband and I…we had a MASSIVE fight. So we hadn’t seen each-other in a few weeks, and he came to the US while I was potentially nearing discharge from the hospital. Of course we visited a lot, and it was fucking awesome to see him, but then he hit me like a truck that he wanted to go overseas and help with the growing Ebola crisis….I lost my fucking mind.
I couldn’t believe he would even be thinking about that. Don’t get me wrong, I love where his heart is coming from, but now? I think fucking not. We obviously had a huge fight. I told him he needed to decide where his head was at with all of this and make a choice…yeah…it was that big…it was a situation where he had to make a choice and let me know.
It ripped my heart from my chest.
I told him to think about it over night and we would go over it in the morning.
He came by the next day, and it was clear he saw the light pretty quick. I expressed my concerns with him catching it..he tried to say it was safe. I agreed but said I saw the news and knew accidents with medical staff were happening. He tried shrugging that off. I said it wasn’t fair when my future was pretty uncertain right now and that he had to have his child as his number one priority…that’s when it seemed he was hit by a truck and it all set in. I love love love where his heart is at with it all…he wants to make a real impact, and right now…what’s bigger…and I told him that…and I told him that is but one of the reasons that I loved hims so damned much. We have previously talked about and basically decided we would do some sort of humanitarian aid program when I was in a better place, but that we wanted to attempt doing something together…so we are back on that path, and as much as he would like to help out now, and feels bad that he is not, we are both happy with the outcome of all of this.
This was huge…massive…and at past points in my life there is no way this gets talked out in a day…but we have put a lot of work into our relationship and improved on the tools of maintaining it…nothing in life is free, and little is easy, even what seems like the basic human right of being happy…you need to work at it…you need to fight with everything you can…because nothing is more important.
On a cheerier note…I have been discharged, and we had a “date night.” Maybe I will share some of that later 🙂