It is amazing how much time seems to pass in a blink.
The past year has been filled with far too many valleys as opposed to peaks, but yesterday we got to celebrate an amazing blessing in our lives…our daughter’s first birthday!
Everyone knows that it seems time goes faster as your life goes on. I have always accounted that to the fact that when you are young you don’t have responsibilities, there is no intrinsic value to time, and most significantly that there is so much new in your life that time does seem slower.
I suppose that little theory has been fairly muddled for me this past year though. For me I have been slammed with new things non stop…having a baby, transitioning to a new career, moving, Leukemia, a coma (the big sleep), meningitis, and half the year in the hospital. The time in the hospital was painstaking long days, especially when I had to transfer to a hospital away from my family. As long as those days have often been I am still shocked that I still feel like I blinked and they were gone.
Yesterday morning as I talked to friends about our daughter’s birthday I would just start crying at how fast time has gone. Everyone feels the same. I know it only goes faster each year. Maybe it is nerves…maybe everyone gets this emotional about it…I don’t know. I do question if it is surrounded by accepting my mortality. I have kind of accepted that I will unlikely live into my ‘golden year.’ I am going to do everything I can to live a long life, but I have accepted that the trauma my system has been through will take decades off of my life. I guess that is what makes it a little hard on her birthday…looking at her…proud…so happy…so blessed she is here, but terrified of what I might miss and what I might not be there to help her with.
I know, I know…look at things optimistically…don’t get me wrong…I do, but I also have to have the mentality of preparing for the worst while striving for the best.
Every day, I will love her and my husband like nobody ever can or will. Every day I will look at them, and when I pause it will make me smile, because just looking at them reminds me that I am the Luckiest Girl On Earth. Plus, we got her an awesome cake for me to eat 🙂