Things swing fast at times. It is amazing how your momentum can swing just as fast!
It has been a crazy start to the new year, with things unfolding at rapid pace the past few weeks, and for the most part, that is pretty good for me on a personal level, and really making me think about things.
The single biggest change for me is I am finally able to get back in a pool, and I can feel it recharging my system with vibrant new energy. It is a sensation I have not had in some time, and it is empowering! It started with just building some general balance, then challenging muscles that have basically sat dormant. That little bit of challenge to them REALLY seems to have them and my entire body responding. I am able to walk about a little now, though I am using a walker if it is more than across a room, I can land a hop, and I can climb a couple of stairs! My energy level has also made things better at home, as I am interested in more than simply laying around. We have company and go out for dinner, and just have a better quality of life now. On a relationship level, we had been a little active, but the bedroom activity has definitely picked up, and that is really good. I am blessed with a pretty patient man.
My talking voice seems to be getting nearer to normal, though I still struggle with singing, and it still kid of does it’s own thing at times, but really, it is a massive improvement and heading in the right direction!!
So as I started to return to some resemblance of my former life, my papa unloaded something on me as well. He is considering retirement and wants me to start thinking about whether I want to take over the business or if he should start looking at potential successors. I had kinda stepped away, but have been kept in the loop, and we had discussed the potential of my return in time, but this caught me off-guard. I mean it is not shocking that he wants to retire at some point, the man has worked his ass off and has more money than he will ever spend in retirement…he deserves it. I suppose it is more that it is hard to watch a parent, a man I have idolized and followed in his footsteps look at moving into the “golden years.” It is a lot to process for me just being slapped with the reality that he is getting up there, but also that I love that company and would hate to see it go to someone else. Here and now I am really torn. We have started a whole new thing elsewhere with my new family, but I did love that life. Lots to think about, but he said it was a few years out still, he just wanted the bug in my ear. I suppose I need to evaluate the next year or so, see how the Meningitis recovery goes, which seems to be going well, then see where I am at with the Leukemia, plus talk with my husband and see where his career opportunities lay. All so scary and exciting!
I have also been feeling well enough to start doing some visits to the children’s hospital again. That is a great feeling to get to share some time with them again. I met a girl the other day, Jamie, who I spent a few hours talking to. We got along so well and just had a blast talking. It scared the crap out of me how much she reminded me of myself when I was 12! Her dad is a music teacher, her mom bailed when she got really sick, she has battle Leukemia and has gained a bunch of weight because of the meds prepping for her HSCT. It is like I can read her mind! I know exactly what she is thinking, because I have been there. I think we may be kindred souls. She looks at me and has a hard time believing I was in her shoes…I was and I had the same stance…nobody would ever love me, no guy would ever want to date me, I would never look good…SOOOOOO hard when you are that age…you are going through enough changes and developing and trying to cope with all of that, then THIS is thrown into the mix! You change tenfold more! So hard. But I dug up a picture of me when I was her age, and as she said…if it wasn’t for the smile she would never know it was me. I told her it is not easy, but battling through this will give her character and an appreciation for life that few others truly have. She will get to where she wants to be, it will just take time and a lot of effort. Next time I see her I am going to make her a promise…that when she is ready I am going to help get her there…I will be side by side working with her.
My daughter, well, she changes more and more every day. People keep saying that she is definitely a mini-me. Not sure if that is good or bad lol. She does the cutest thing right now. She is infatuated with reflections, and he own trips her out a little bit. We have set this big mirror up at ground level and she will stare at it, then suddenly dodge to the side and look back and giggle, then sit there for like 5 minutes and do it again. She totally looks back to see if the image is still there lol. I am not entirely sure if she has figured out it is her, I think she knows but doesn’t entirely know how to process that yet. I will sit there and point at my reflection an then myself, and go “mommy” to both, then do the same to her, and she seems to grasp that…though she gasps with a massive giggling smile, so who knows for sure! She also likes to get up close to it and lick the reflection…too funny…and if you say “kissy” she will give her reflection a little smooch.
Looking forward to what the rest of the year reveals.